The Defining Decade

The Defining Decade

by Dr. Meg Jay

I really enjoy reading books by psychologists who share their perspectives on issues most pressing to our society based on client sessions. In Dr. Meg Jay’s book, The Defining Decade – Why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them now, the topic of concern is: what do we do with the ‘twenty-somethings’?  Having two sons that fit that description, I eagerly read through this one.  Jay breaks the book into three sections: Work, Love and the Brain & Body.  I often pass along a mantra to my own life-coaching clients: “take action often, and think a little less”.  Young millennials don’t want work to define them – they want to ‘enjoy’ life. Yet they also live in a world where everything is glamorized on social media, which suggests you have to do amazing things and everyone has to be watching.  Jay offers some sound wisdom through her weekly sessions with lost and unsatisfied millennials.  She suggests the newest craze is to use ‘weak ties’, which is defined as the friend of a friend of a friend whom you heard did something similar to what you want to do.  Begin to think about that which you are curious rather than letting it stay unknown.  And NO, your life doesn’t need to be glamorized on social media. Who cares what people think – it’s what you think of your life that matters and you should customize it to YOU, YOUR wants, YOUR goals and desires.  In the area of love, Jay suggests picking your future family (in-laws and spouse) based on true ‘likeability’ factors (remember, this may be a lifelong connection!).  Jay notes some of the downsides in “the cohabitation effect” and that partners may not really get a feel for life in a committed relationship through the pre-marital experiment.  And finally, she explains how you really need to like the person you are dating, not just the idea of being with someone because all of your friends are in relationships.  Her last section focuses on research gained from the brain.  All common sense and helpful.  I plan on giving this book to my sons as it is a helpful tool to reflect on the idea of “I am responsible for what and who I am”.